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Dandelionsducksanddoughnuts has now ended, it will be closed properly shortly.

I very much hope previous readers will follow me to my new site, hope to see you there, thank you, Jo

I am doing so for 2 reason’s, the first being I’d like a new blog address. The second being that when I find time I’d like to go back over old blog post’s on here and print out the family days and event posts and put them in to a folder for the kids to look back on when they’re adults. I find this easier to sift through while I’m not blogging on the same blog which is why I’m starting a fresh on another blog

I will be taking my blog roll with me because i prefer reading the blog’s i’ve added to magazines these days, hopefully some of you that visit will follow me to my new blog. Bfn

I was busy sorting a cupboard in the kitchen this evening when Kyle came in. After watching for a few minutes he shook his head, sighed and said ‘I do worry about you Mum’ he then got a tea towel and started drying the pots and chatting to me. We chatted away and he is a little worrier bless him, he told me he wishes I wouldn’t go to the shops when it’s dark outside because he’s scared something might happen to me and he worries until I come home safe (I rarely do but I did one night last week). He said he wishes he was bigger so he could be more help because he loves me and doesn’t like it when I look tired !. He has a very grown up head on little shoulder’s sometimes, he obviously notices things way way beyond his years, his teachers notice the same thing at school. He stayed in the kitchen for 2 hours with me, chatting whilst helping me washing up, sorting cupboards and sorting laundry, he even emptied the dryer filter and water retainer. He carried the heavy water tank carefully to the sink like it was perfectly normal for someone his size, he really was trying to be the man of the house while his Dad was out.
Sometimes he is a typical 7 year old boy but at other’s it’s hard to believe he is still SO little really. I am so proud of him, he is a very compassionate little soul. He might wish he could help me more but I wish I could give him so much more. He dreams of a Nintendo 3D DS for his birthday in Feb but he knows I just can’t afford it. He say’s ‘they do look so good Mum but I do know that they are so expensive, it’s silly isn’t it Mum, making kids toys that are that expensive. Gavin said he might let me have a play on his though if I go to his house one day so it doesn’t matter I always get cool stuff for my birthday anyway.

I know it’s not about presents really, I just think he deserves more, from being tiny he’s had to be patient and understand his big brother isn’t like other brothers, he’s learnt compromise from a very early age. He knows I think the world of him anyway and he knows that if I did have the money then i would buy him that Nintendo. I’m going to organize him a big party though, kind of have to as he has so many friends and he can’t bare the thought of leaving any of them out ! Not a problem I’ve ever had lol.

I’ve got another charity meeting this week and we’re of to open a bank account for it too It’s been keeping me very busy, it was party weekend Sunday just gone too. When we got home Paige gave me a big hug and said thank you for taking her, that in her words ‘the party rocked mum’, lol. Makes me remember how important keeping them going is, not just for Paige but for all the children who are really starting to form their own kind of friendships with each other, it has been a pleasure to watch happen. It’s nice for all us parents too, we get to see we’re not the only one’s that deal with what we do.

In between being super busy I’ve been feeling super homesick, I hit an all new low the other day when I found myself google image searching pictures of my old home town (and it aint pretty lol). I won’t be getting back up North this year, it’s just out of the range of possibilities. We can only go when my Mum can look after Paige because she can’t go that distance in the car (& then you have to find and pay for somewhere suitable to stay) my Mum’s situation isn’t great though and she has her own plans obviously. She is having some of the kids for one night in May for us so we can go to one of Graham’s friends big wedding which is nice of her. That’s the thing about having only one person you can ask for help, you have to choose very carefully which thing you want to do most that takes priority and forgo most others that if your child wasn’t disabled you could do easily and most people take for granted. I do miss home though, maybe next year.

Don’t really know what it is I miss so much about home really, maybe a combination of the familiar faces, the warmth of the accent (it makes even a tragedy sound not that big of a deal and the familiar places and landscape, would love to get back on the hills and take the kids to where I used to spend hours playing when i was their age’s. That’s probably more for my benefit though lol we all love to revisit our childhood memories now and again don’t we I like seeing my old friends too, at swimming lessons last night there was a lady who looked very very like one of my friends, I was staring at her thinking i wish she was actually my friend it would be so nice, when she noticed, v embarrassing, she probably thinks I have some sort of weird girl crush on her now or something lol. Maybe I’m just a bit lonely at the minute, I might give some of my old family and friends a ring in the next week or two and catch up.

Oh my diet has officially started, I’m doing slim fast. I know it’s not the best diet plan in the world but it’s worked well for me in the past, the meal replacement drinks get me out of the habit of chewing and craving food. Not everyone’s cup of tea but it works for me and keeps me disciplined. I have to keep saying to myself ‘nothing tastes as good as slim feels’….yeah right, who am I kidding lol I know sausage, curry and chips are a taste sensation lol.

Right best dash as Ben’s nap time is almost over and I’ve lots I should really be doing, bfn

So i have to diet, again.

I lost several pounds before Xmas, and put them right back on again.

This time though I need to lose a good chunk more if I’m to make any difference to my shape and to finally get rid of my fat arms.

My problem is I’m to tired, to unenthused, to unmotivated. I have a funny view when it comes to my weight, half the time I think ah well whats the point in being thin when my face was hit with every ugly stick that ever grew on the ugly tree, a bit like that saying ‘no use polishing a turd’. Also the first place I lose weight from is my chest, so back down a cup size I go and bye bye any last bit of femininity I had. Yes you can look feminine and be flat chested of course, if you have the redeeming feature of what’s seen as a pretty feminine face.
Then I also think in the grand scheme of things I have far far greater worries than my weight, and with the smallest bit of energy I have left at the end of the day I’d rather spend it catching up with my only friend over a glass of wine or watching some tv with my husband.

I know once you get started the endorphins are supposed to kick in (once upon a time i was addicted to the gym) but to be honest after the last three workouts I’ve done this hasn’t even happened. Maybe it’s the serotonin levels in my brain or something. I’ve been feeling oddly homesick of late too so maybe it is just a chemical brain thing at the minute.

All i can do is drag my body, kicking and screaming in to cutting back on my fat in take and exercise regardless of it not making me feel in the slightest bit more energized

Oh and also if someone tells me ‘well yes you could lose a few pounds’ I then start to think stuff of, I’ll eat 2 bags of crisps today instead of one (although I don’t). Yes childish I know, I just HATE anyone else commenting on MY weight, and if I’m eating then it is because I’m hungry not just because I can. I have had not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5 but 6 babies and it has put wear and tear on my body, I’m not bloody wonder woman. It has affected my body in many ways and it has played havoc with my hormones so I have cut myself a bit of slack. If I’m a bit out of sorts sometimes i understand it’s because i deal with a lot of crap that other’s more fortunate don’t. I also know all about nutrition, I’m not daft, I’ve just been lazy and as i said unmotivated. Now I’m no longer able to wear things I see and like (because I know my big arms sticking out of cap sleeves look horrendous) i am having to take action.

So it starts today, diet on, exercise ahoy……..uuurrrggghhhhh. I will be charting my progress in my phone everyday.

Why can’t we go back to the renaissance when big bottoms, small boobs and chubby faces were all the rage…ah well if only I had a tardis that’s where me and my rubenesque self would be headed and stuff the lollypop headed, false haired, plastic (poisoned) oversized oddly ball shaped boobs and orange tainted fake baked skin of today

I’ve spent some enjoyable time this morning watching Summer and Ben play together, he mostly sits and watches along side her, smiling and clapping. It’s lovely to see.
All the children play together a lot, it’s so nice for them to have each other.

I was an ‘only child’, my Mum couldn’t have more so this is not a post about blaming anyone, or judging anyone who simply chooses to have just the one, not at all. Also i don’t expect for one minute that other ‘only children’ grow up to feel as i do, i know one lady who is glad she’s ‘the only one’.

People often ask if i had 6 children to make up for what i didn’t have, a very small part of that maybe true, when i was little i did dream of having a sibling (i’d sometimes pretend i had a brother or sister,but only in my head, i used to imagine what they’d be called etc).
Our house was often quiet, especially after my Mum left, i could hear the ticking of the carriage clock in the living room….and wow i wish i could hear ours now some days lol (no chance with 8 people in the house !).

I actually think the trigger for me having a large family was when my first child suffered heart failure at 6 days old, i became so aware of mortality, of how precious, fragile and fleeting life can be. It also triggered in me a very morbid fear of death, i’m not afraid of dying but i am afraid of not living anymore, of not having the chance to go fell walking ever again (i haven’t been near a fell for 17 years now) of never getting to do any one of my silly one million and one things i love to do or places i’d love to go. My daughters care requires 100% commitment and i have been very lucky as i have got to do some wonderful things thanks to my Mum stepping in to help out . Over the years i’ve had a week in Egypt and a week in Antigua where we got married, 4 nights in Spain and the odd weekend home or night away, but you can’t keep relying on someone else’s help, it’s a lot to ask of anyone, even your mother who does very well for her age. It’s not just as simple as taking Paige with us everywhere either as she can’t sit in a car or her wheelchair for long periods of time, and many other factors. So what you get to do is limited and there won’t be a day when i’ll know the part where the children grow up and aren’t dependant solely on me, as 2 of mine always will be. Some people say ‘well so and so’s son still lives at home and he’s 30′ thats not the same as having to actually be at home with them though, to change their 30 year olds nappy, to give medicines etc. There is no comparisson, they are free to go to work, to go to the shop, to leave the house, you are not free to leave a disabled person alone ever. It is a very different commitment and i have to always try my hardest to find it in me to be unselfish and not to be to frustrated by that level of commitment because i know that i am lucky.

Anyway getting back to topic i am so very pleased all of my children have each other, not just for now but for the future. I often feel alone, not lonely, just alone, sometimes even a bit cast adrift, especially when i hear of one of my friends going to visit their brother and his family, or my husbands phone keeps buzzing with texts from his sister. I have a couple of friends (i would have had more if i’d not moved from my hometown where my roots are) but it’s not the same as a family member with whom you have a shared history. I am close to one childhood friend, she was as close to a sister as i could have had but then she has 2 sisters of her own, she lives 300 miles from me and is always doing something with one of them and rarely even returns my texts these days.

I took the above pic this morning, when Summer and Ben had played so nicely together for over an hour, just as they were starting to get fed up i thought i probably should have got my camera out ! Summers pout was because she really didn’t want her picture taken at that moment, thank you Mummy !

But there are some funny moment’s along the way, often it’s the things the children will do or say so I thought I’d share a few recent moment’s that made me smile.

Summer came running in the kitchen holding Graham’s iPod, ‘you’ll never guess what’ she said excitedly ‘Gina Giraffe just kissed me right in the iPod’ !!! Gina giraffe is a talking animal app for those lucky souls who have not had children’s apps thrust upon them.

Summer after watching ‘Sooty’ – ‘that Sweep is quite the naughtiest little teddy bear that I have ever seen, he just turned a watering hose on the audience, how rude !’.

Summer talking to a stranger ‘yes, I do like Ariel, and I do like princesses, but you see actually at the moment I am much more interested in My Little Ponies’.

She is very articulate for just 3 years old, thankfully she is not as precocious as she sounds.

Owen – we were sat watching tv together and a child’s Mum died, Owen went very quiet, I was trying to grasp his understanding of death so I asked if he would miss me if I died. His word’s ‘ eerrrmmm, no Mum, i wouldn’t really miss you would I. When I wanted you I would just remember you like i do when I’m at school and you’re not there. Also Mum i could always look at photographs, then I wouldn’t need to miss you’ ! LOL bless him. I then asked when he remembers me what words he would use to describe me, this bit I loved, as he said ‘as the most beautiful, kindest, loveliest mum ever and you make nice dinners’.

Owen – he went swimming on Monday afternoon with the school, when he got home he had an actual swimming lesson to go to. I was impressed that his clothes were all on the right way after swimming with the school as he REALLY struggles (due to his hypertonia)to dress himself well. So i asked if the class assistant or a friend had helped him get dressed, he gave me a look of shock and said ‘eeerrrmmm, nooo way dude, that would be weeeeiiiirrrd i don’t want a friend or teacher seeing me naked’ haha.

Owen – I asked him to try and look at my face when i was speaking to him, his answer ‘ well when i do look at faces they make me distracted, i start looking at your eyelashes and then i just hear blah blah blah you see, now what did you just say anyway Mum ? ‘

Sometimes Owen’s little comment’s really give a glimpse in to how his mind works, it’s very literal, but he’s very sweet.

Me – we were all sat around the table eating Sunday lunch, Imogen had invited her friend to join us. Graham commented that only people who had finished their lunch could have pudding. To which Kyle jumped in saying ‘ha ha *Becky* hasn’t finished her lunch, she left some vegetables’. Graham said ‘yes but she is a guest and as such exempt from our table rules’. Me ‘that’s right she can sit at the table and pump and burp until her hearts content if she wishes, you lot however may not’.
This caused much laughter with Kyle sinking under the table from laughing so much ! I did say it without thinking to be honest, one of those moment’s when my internal dialogue became external…oops ! I am kind of hoping Imogen’s friend didn’t go home and tell her parent’s i said she could pump and burp at the table, v embarassing lol, and poor Imogen just groaned and said ‘oh Mum !’

Well I’ve many many more i could add to this post but I’ll do a part 2 and maybe a part 3 at a later date but just thought I’d share some of our lighter moments

Internets working long may that continue !

What a start to the year it’s proving to be. Ben has been very poorly with a cold and a temperature (so probably a virus), Summer has been very poorly with what turned out to be a chest infection we think and is on antibiotics, she had a raging fever for 3 days, Paige is loaded with cold and struggling, my Mum has a had a really bad chest infection and today Imogen woke at 6am and threw up ! So happy new year us lol !

Actually the week the kids went back to school was quite nice as Graham had a few days of work. We had planned to do more with the week but Summer became poorly so that scuppered any plans we may have had. Instead though I did achieve a lot of jobs around the house and Graham made a really good start on the allotment. Last weekend he took the boys with him too and they loved it, even Owen ! which is fantastic, I’m all for anything that gets Owen outdoors and away from computer screens.

We’ve met lots of our neighbouring allotment holders, all bar one have been lovely. Just next door to ours is a lady who I’ve not met and I’m reserving judgement until i do. She said to my husband she was hoping we would start on the plot soon as it’s VERY weedy ! aherm, (it’s been the middle of winter and lashing down) also she should know that it’s NOT weedy at all, a little bit of elephant grass, nothing that would affect her plot. Also she made a comment about 6 children being ‘rather excessive’ and that while in theory it’s nice for children to help ‘they can soon get bored and this is not a playground’, Graham only told her we have 6 children, he didn’t have any of them with him at the time (so it’s not like we’d all turned up there).

I will wait until i meet her but if she is rude to me i will point out to her that families have as much right to be there as everyone else and it would be nice not to be judged before she knows us and nicer still to be encouraged rather than discouraged. I think it makes me crosser because i am extremely aware of how my children’s behaviour could affect others and as such I am quite proud of the fact that when I take them anywhere they are well-behaved and considerate of other’s, it’s taken a lot of parenting but I have never let them go anywhere and run riot, they don’t even do that at home. We’re not sponging of the state either, Graham works very hard and a lot of hours to keep us all. I am sure she is just worried I’m going to let the boys start kicking a football around and all my kids ruining the peace and quiet down there, hopefully once she’s met us all she we see that she needn’t have worried.

The plot had apparently been SOOO overgrown for SOOO long that to be honest you’d think she’d be glad that anyone was now taking it on and that we’d paid to have it cleared and rotavated.

There’s lots of allotment politics and backstabbing that goes on though we’ve been told by many of the holders so we’ll be keeping right out of it. Honestly these are grown up’s, never ceases to amaze me how child like some adults can behave, like play ground politics lol.

The man who has the plot at the end of ours hasn’t started on his yet but it turns out that he is a friend of mines husband and step dad to one of Kyle’s very good friends. They are lovely people and have offered to share tools and a shed with us etc so that will be really nice to have them at the other end of our plot. Also he has had an allotment in France that did very well so he has some idea of what he’s doing, he just laughed when I said our neighbour called our plot very weedy and was quite shocked, in his words ‘there’s nothing on it ‘!. One of the other men there brought his old metal detectors down for the boys to keep ! and has offered them lots of raspberries when it’s harvest time, a few other people there have been very nice to the kids too and welcoming.

I have encountered lots of prejudice for having had a large family though from people everywhere in the past, so much so now it causes me to yawn rather than to justify myself like I used to, I’d say a good 95% of disapproval comes from people who are actually just jealous anyway. I can understand from the ecological footprint view point (and i think if things had been different maybe i would have had less children), i try in some small way to at least contribute to society too by doing volunteer work, even my husband does his bit, we’re not just takers.

I have posted a couple of pics up of the boys that Graham took of them helping out, bless Owen he’s wearing my lovely gardening gloves lol. The girls are equally keen to get there too, once they’re all recovered.
If you look at one of the bottom pics our plot goes up to the two little white posts beyond that is my friends family plot.

Graham is back to work now, back to early nights and mornings I loved him being home, very surprisingly he suffers far less stress when he’s at home than he does when he returns to work. Given we’ve so many children you’d kind of think it would be work that would be less stressful but it really isn’t. Hopefully work will settle down for him in a few months or he’ll get some amazing stress free work offer….nothing wrong with hoping lol.

I chaired a 3 hour-long charity meeting at home yesterday with a poorly Summer and a clingy Ben, once we have our registered charity number I will do a piece about it. I will be SO glad when it has and the start-up fund is in the bank, then it will just be a case of fundraising and hosting the events but essentially it will be a lot less admin and meetings than at present.

Hope everyone else’s New Year has got of to a less bumpy start

Anyway I’ve got my fingers crossed it keeps limping a long for a while yet, i have really struggled to get my charity admin done tonight on such an awful connection, it’s taken my 3 times as long as it should have

Right well, i’d best dash, got a small bailey’s waiting before i fall in to bed

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend

And so January begins, my husband is kick starting his fitness regime as doubtless many people are and I’ve heard and smiled at lots of people’s New Year resolutions and bucket lists and things they wish to achieve this year. Nothing wrong with that.

Me, I haven’t any plans for this year, bar one, I just want to maintain my current air of calm and contentedness. I don’t want to spend this year dashing here there and everywhere, trying to cram my day’s to bursting point. I was thoroughly exhausted by Xmas time.
I just want to really enjoy this year and be content, be grateful for my health and for my family. I don’t want to push myself out of my comfort zone or to feel apologetic for not being what I should be. I want to find time to sit in the garden with a coffee or to enjoy trips to the allotment but also to really treasure this time with Ben being so small (and my last baby) and Summer before she starts school this September.

I have finally reached a stage in my life where I know what I do and do not enjoy and I know I am hermit like but what’s wrong with that, what’s wrong with me being me.
As last year came to an end I realized how much I like my life, exactly the way it is. There is always room for improvement but should improvement not occur then I still very much like my life. I love my family of course but also, I actually do like my s*****e of a house (as it’s been referred to in to the past due to all the stuff it houses) although it is actually a lot less cluttered than some (and it’s not dirty I’d like to add). I like its sleepy location (no swanky bars suits me), I like stepping out the door in to the countryside, plus I like that it’s ours and always will be.
Last year I was restless and often guilty of thinking the grass might be greener, I don’t know what has occurred to change my thinking exactly but it has.

I have been filling in my calendar for this year, although what I like most is an empty calendar, or one only marked with holidays and days out, don’t we all lol. I hate appointments and ‘social events’ I just find them uncomfortable and tedious unless they involve my nearest and dearest.

I caught some of Bear Grylls the other night, where he takes one celeb or another in to the wilderness. Now that i was jealous of, i love the stillness and calmness of being somewhere remote. When i was little all our family used to fell walk each weekend, what i took from it was an appreciation of the countryside and it’s beauty but also more than that, it was how people communicate, talk and laugh with each other when there are no distractions around, texts alerts, the tv, or some voice blathering away on the radio.
I love technology, it has its place but sometimes i think it’s higher on people’s priority than other more important things in life. I’ve seen people so immersed in one screen or another that they’re completely unaware of what’s going on around them, that’s sad.

This year i do need to lose weight, I probably need to work on my exterior a bit more, an unexpected trip to a bar recently made me realise how much of a worn out old dilapidated dated exterior i have. I looked like a stone cladded terrace with rotten windows and leaky roof when compared to the neat little new build 2 beds with manicured lawns all around lol. I’ll never be pretty but i don’t really want to just let myself go either….although that boat may have sailed lol. I never intend to venture to another bar again either, my exterior didn’t fit but now no longer either did my interior, i hated every second of it, thankfully we were only there 5 mins before heading of for food…now food, that’s more like it lol.

This year I also want to make a success of my charity work, and our allotment, to pay a good chunk of credit cards and sort out secondary school for Owen, oh and see Summer settled in school in September. If I could find a way of earning some pennies too then that would be fab.

All that aside all that i am hoping for is a chilled out, happy, healthy year. I endeavor to do this by not over committing myself to anything other than my family, they are what bring me the most pleasure, and by being more observant of how much I eat, exercising a bit more and trying not to let life’s smaller matters upset me as much as they sometimes do. Ha ha i wish myself good luck with this and I have some meditation cd’s on standby….. …yes you read right cd’s, i still haven’t got around to getting myself an ipod or itunes etc, i’m sooo uncool lol.

I’m up at an ungodly hour, thanks not to our baby (he’s a good little sleeper) but our 3-year-old toddler who is a wonderfully early riser !
As she’s now been fed and watered and is happily playing I thought I’d quickly upload some pics from New Years Eve evening when we did our usual and had a chinese late in the evening. Imogen, Owen and Kyle stayed up with us but Paige, Summer and Ben all needed their sleep. Paige was actually feeling a bit of colour although she thankfully looks much brighter this morning after a nights sleep.
The pics are mostly of Owen (his face is covered in eczema atm) and Kyle who ALWAYS find EVERY meal time absolutely hilarious for some reason but Sundays and special occasions are the funniest apparently. Some Sundays I end up threatening to send them to bed because they laugh so much (Imogen included, she’s usually falling under the table with laughter), that makes me sound awful doesn’t it, but when gravy is being shot from noses due to laughter it can get a little annoying lol. It’s so lovely to think that when they grow up they will remember just how much they laughed together, as I’m sure they couldn’t possibly forget.
Anyway hears hoping 2012 brings a load more happy times and laughter for us and for everyone